Rollercoaster
Assalamu'alaikum, peace be upon you.
Today i woke up to happy news. sms from NUS announcing the best SAP i've ever had in my NUS life. haha, but no A+ or anything dean's list worthy yet. oh well, who needs to be perfect?
So then i trooped out and immediately emailed the Prof who had tentatively offered me an honours project more than a month ago, reminding him that i still exist and to remind him to register me officially as his honours pupil and to tell him that i can start work next work. All this not before i checked on the science intranet that my file for graduation (FFG) status is set for honours project, taking this as cue that ive been allowed to do honours.
Then i accomplished, very analy, step 1 of cleanign my room, which is vacuuming every single dust bunny including those in the aircon. All this while taking due precaution of wearing a daiso facemask to keep the dust mites from my allergic rhinitis nose. but of course how much can one expect from a daiso mask. So i collapse on the couch upon completion of step 1 trying to distract the nose from sneezing and trigering a full blown rhinitis attack that will last for days. n yet my mother wonders why i procrastinate cleaning the room.
So after a few naps and lots of TV, rhinitis attack was averted. only to be greeted by news of the attack of the aid convoy en route to Gaza. God, thats super sad. and ridiculous. like it was just a few days ago that the news showed the same convoy all geared up and praying on board the boat. i remembered thinking wow, its wonderful to still have wonderful ppl on this earth. well, last count, theres 19 fewer of them. n no, i do not remember being cynical or even afraid for their safety. silly old me, says cynical new me. I wonder if cynicism is a type of spiritual heart disease. hmmm, i suppose anything, when at extremes, is.
And then i went on fb to see how the community is responding to the attacks. surprise2, only one local friend, pol science student, had a fb status expressign his concern. on the other side of world, at York however, my friends' fb statuses are publicising an emergency protest on campus for the following day. emergency protest dok! im jealous or what. n is jealousy such a rawly wrong emotion for this scenario or WHAT. also, other unrelated fb photos on newsfeed also brought feelings of haiz-ness. yeah, i really dont think its jealousy, though tt would be reasonable. just haiz. haiz cos they lend evidence for my previous suspicions that someone really isnt what i thought he is. that he was just pretendign to be something hes not, probably subconsciously (does this count as husnudzon?), to 'win' me as some sort of prize. haiz also cos it makes me wonder if my principles in life have been too strict, too extreme, too terpedaya dalam agama. also haiz cos its wedding season and ive been praying for God to drop a good boy for me. heh. but its a good kind of haiz i guess. the sort that i would rather have now than 20 years down the road when im too old to be married what more have kids. i wish i had someone to talk to about this. a confidant. yeah, a confidant would be nice.
And the trigger for this blog entry is an email i just read from NUS, simply stating that ive FAILED the file for honours project. no reasons stated, no suggestions for the predicament. however, i strongly suspect its cos my credits during SEP have yet to be transfered. which is ridiculous since its been a whole semester. but not so ridiculous considerign the mother had been nagging me to nag them about it for ages. God, please remind me to listen to the mother; she has an uncanny ability to be right. so now im all filled with dread. not cos im genuinely worried tt i cant do honours. i mean i meet all the criteria! but dread-filled cos this is dejavu of all the other admin run-ins ive had, especially with nus. bleargh, im so more than mentally-prepared for solving this issue; loads of time-wasting from tracking so and so and being pushed from here to there to get some redundant form signed and in the process get more things to settle cos all the time-wasting throws me off from the deadlines. and who gets the blame? khairi. like come on, can ppl who are paid to do their jobs just do them already without outsourcing them in ridiculously time-wasting fashion to other ppl who pay them for their services? i mean at risk of sounding elitist, im an undergrad not an office staff.
and so this is how the fb status of the day announces my frustration with the nus admin to potentially the world. i think ppl resort to overdramatizing the small things as a compensation for having to trivialise the big things due to cowardice.
Today i woke up to happy news. sms from NUS announcing the best SAP i've ever had in my NUS life. haha, but no A+ or anything dean's list worthy yet. oh well, who needs to be perfect?
So then i trooped out and immediately emailed the Prof who had tentatively offered me an honours project more than a month ago, reminding him that i still exist and to remind him to register me officially as his honours pupil and to tell him that i can start work next work. All this not before i checked on the science intranet that my file for graduation (FFG) status is set for honours project, taking this as cue that ive been allowed to do honours.
Then i accomplished, very analy, step 1 of cleanign my room, which is vacuuming every single dust bunny including those in the aircon. All this while taking due precaution of wearing a daiso facemask to keep the dust mites from my allergic rhinitis nose. but of course how much can one expect from a daiso mask. So i collapse on the couch upon completion of step 1 trying to distract the nose from sneezing and trigering a full blown rhinitis attack that will last for days. n yet my mother wonders why i procrastinate cleaning the room.
So after a few naps and lots of TV, rhinitis attack was averted. only to be greeted by news of the attack of the aid convoy en route to Gaza. God, thats super sad. and ridiculous. like it was just a few days ago that the news showed the same convoy all geared up and praying on board the boat. i remembered thinking wow, its wonderful to still have wonderful ppl on this earth. well, last count, theres 19 fewer of them. n no, i do not remember being cynical or even afraid for their safety. silly old me, says cynical new me. I wonder if cynicism is a type of spiritual heart disease. hmmm, i suppose anything, when at extremes, is.
And then i went on fb to see how the community is responding to the attacks. surprise2, only one local friend, pol science student, had a fb status expressign his concern. on the other side of world, at York however, my friends' fb statuses are publicising an emergency protest on campus for the following day. emergency protest dok! im jealous or what. n is jealousy such a rawly wrong emotion for this scenario or WHAT. also, other unrelated fb photos on newsfeed also brought feelings of haiz-ness. yeah, i really dont think its jealousy, though tt would be reasonable. just haiz. haiz cos they lend evidence for my previous suspicions that someone really isnt what i thought he is. that he was just pretendign to be something hes not, probably subconsciously (does this count as husnudzon?), to 'win' me as some sort of prize. haiz also cos it makes me wonder if my principles in life have been too strict, too extreme, too terpedaya dalam agama. also haiz cos its wedding season and ive been praying for God to drop a good boy for me. heh. but its a good kind of haiz i guess. the sort that i would rather have now than 20 years down the road when im too old to be married what more have kids. i wish i had someone to talk to about this. a confidant. yeah, a confidant would be nice.
And the trigger for this blog entry is an email i just read from NUS, simply stating that ive FAILED the file for honours project. no reasons stated, no suggestions for the predicament. however, i strongly suspect its cos my credits during SEP have yet to be transfered. which is ridiculous since its been a whole semester. but not so ridiculous considerign the mother had been nagging me to nag them about it for ages. God, please remind me to listen to the mother; she has an uncanny ability to be right. so now im all filled with dread. not cos im genuinely worried tt i cant do honours. i mean i meet all the criteria! but dread-filled cos this is dejavu of all the other admin run-ins ive had, especially with nus. bleargh, im so more than mentally-prepared for solving this issue; loads of time-wasting from tracking so and so and being pushed from here to there to get some redundant form signed and in the process get more things to settle cos all the time-wasting throws me off from the deadlines. and who gets the blame? khairi. like come on, can ppl who are paid to do their jobs just do them already without outsourcing them in ridiculously time-wasting fashion to other ppl who pay them for their services? i mean at risk of sounding elitist, im an undergrad not an office staff.
and so this is how the fb status of the day announces my frustration with the nus admin to potentially the world. i think ppl resort to overdramatizing the small things as a compensation for having to trivialise the big things due to cowardice.
posted by poulet at
01:29
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